It takes a vineyard.
Why, when it comes to kids and careers you do have to choose.
I enjoyed listening to the Untalented podcast interview with Caroline Matthews (Koto) and Emma Barrett (Wolff Olins). It was a valuable conversation from two women I feel fortunate to know and respect, from two agencies I have been proud to work for. But I think what was missing was the overt admission that – when it comes to kids and careers – we do have to choose, we can't have both.
You can either return to The Big Job after mat leave and keep aiming high, but then you'll need wrap-around childcare that costs £15k a year (minimum) and you won't be able to be there for your kids very much.
Or, you accept that your 21-ish days of paid holiday won't even begin to cover the 13-15 weeks of school holidays each year, and take the step back at work required to do the 3.30pm pick-ups (which means leaving your desk by 3pm) and the holidays and the teachers strike days, and the inset days, and the sick days.
Of course there’s The Juggle in the middle, which is what most of us end up doing. Especially those of us lucky enough to have partners who are also earning and also up for doing their share. But work is often even less flexible for men when it comes to paternity leave, part time options and job shares, so let’s not pretend that the middle ground is about “having it all” when really it’s about “doing it all”. All of which leads to increased mental load and sends parents and carers bonkers and makes us all feel like we’re failing at work and at home.
I mean, I can’t even begin to comprehend the story a friend told me about queuing at 4am to get their child a spot in the local swimming club over the summer, just so they could keep up their hours during the school holidays. WTactualF?
The Juggle in the middle is unsustainable and – let’s just come out and say it – it’s why there’s an enduring pay gap and why there’s not many women in leadership positions in the creative industry. With many, many more shut out entirely because they are a single parent, or a carer, or have health issues, or are in a financial position that makes paying for additional childcare unachievable.
I enjoy being freelance and many aspects of it have worked well for me since before I even became a parent. And yet, I feel incredibly frustrated that I can’t join a company or agency at the level I deserve to be at, be part of a culture again, and pass my skills onto the next generation of strategists, simply because choosing that means also choosing wrap-around childcare. What’s more, it means I can’t be part of the solution either, because I’m not really part of the industry. A truly vicious and anti-progressive circle, which I’m not the first to point out nor, sadly, the last.
You’d think the creative industry would love to sink its teeth into this issue. To explore the possibilities of job-sharing, four day weeks, flexi-time and dynamic - not just flexible - working practices. All things that would benefit the workforce as a whole, not just parents. Like the client briefs we receive day-in-day out, there’s no one solution to this problem. And when the direction isn’t clear, you need all the things the creative industry loves about itself so much – curiosity, collaboration, artistry and total and complete optimism.
To conclude… as Zosia Swidlicka - founder of Opening Line – said in a voicemail to me as we bemoaned the triggering aspects of IWD, “Ambition doesn’t have to mean sacrificing your life to have that senior position. Ambition should mean finding the right balance for you that allows you - if you have children - to chose how much time you spend with them whilst also being happy and fulfilled and progressing in your job”.
I welcome all and any responses to the above, whilst noting that I am well-aware that this is largely based on my experience and, to certain extent, what I have heard anecdotally from my friends and colleagues. I also acknowledge that I live in the UK, where parental leave is far, far better than the US and where healthcare is free. Lastly, I have checked my white privilege, and it’s very much there. Shout out to my amazing village as well as the encouragingly large number of companies (Koto included) and clients who have let me do what I do best, and then go pick up my son. Please get in touch to share your story, or leave a comment – I’d love to hear!